Goals of Misbehavior, Part 2 - Attention Getting

 If you enjoy this blog please subscribe and receive each new blog to your email account automatically!  Also, please network this site and share it with other parents and teachers!     

When a child is acting out his or her misbehavior patterns, recognizing the 4 Goals of Misbehavior can really help you to deal with the behavior in a more effective way.  It helps to understand the 4 goals because it helps you to de-personalize the misbehavior as being a personal affront to YOU.  The child would play out this misbehavior with anyone, you just happen to be there!

The next step in understanding Goals of Misbehavior involves the Personality Matrix.
The Personality Matrix divides behavior into 4 categories using two axis.

Constructive Behavior      |           Destructive Behavior         |
                                            |                                                         |
                                            |                                                         |
                                            |                                                         |   Active
                                            |                                                         |
____________________________________________________________
                                            |                                                         |
                                            |                                                         |   Passive
                                            |                                                         |
                                            |                                                         |
                                            |                                                         |
_____________________________________________________________

This matrix helps us to observe and recognize various types of behavior and understand it for what it is.  Many teachers and parents are trying to respond to behaviors they do not understand and it makes it very difficult to do.  Misbehavior is not random and a blur, it is specific and targeted.

Constructive behavior is what we like in the classroom and at home.  It is the behavior that complies with proper boundaries and respects other people, follows expectations and cooperates socially.

Destructive behavior is what we dislike.  It is behavior that does not comply with proper boundaries, does not respect other people, does not follow expectations and fails to cooperate socially.
It can be annoying, because it is constantly pulling your attention way from what you want to do to what the child is wanting you to do.

Active on this matrix means that a child has a bold personality disposition.  They have courage to act out their behavior.  Active is neither constructive or destructive.  It is simply courageous.  This child's behavior tends to be "in your face" because they have so much courage.

Passive on this matrix means that a child has less courage and is more hidden in his or her personality disposition.  The behaviors acted out by this child are quieter and less "in your face" often employing
"withholding" and quiet refusal.

Remember, there are four basic misbehaviors in this system:  Attention, Power, Revenge, Assumed Disability.  Each of these 4 misbehavior types fit into this matrix.
This blog will deal with the first one - Attention.  We begin to put this matrix together by examining each category in the matrix applying it to and focusing on attention-getting behaviors by a child.

An Active/Constructive child who wants Attention (the first Goal of Misbehavior) will do all of things we typically associate with a "good" child.  In school, this child raises his hand to speak, waits his turn, does his work when assigned, volunteering to answer questions, etc.  This child actively demonstrates their constructive behaviors.  Teachers love having these child in class.  They are often helpers for the teacher.

An Active/Destructive child who wants Attention will do all of things we typically associate with an annoying child.  In school, this child calls out to be noticed, has trouble waiting a turn and forces himself into being recognized among the other kids in class, may not do work on time or when asked,
will often make noises, bang things, get up and walk around at inappropriate times - anything to turn the head of an adult so they get your attention, like a flashing billboard in the classroom.  Teachers are often annoyed after a point with these children because they often are not stopped by correction - they need the attention so badly, they will risk a teacher reprimand(s) to get it.

A Passive/Constructive child who wants Attention will quietly comply with everything the teacher asks of him.  However, this child rarely or never raises a hand to give an answer - they lack the courage to do so.  They know the answer.  If a teacher called on them despite not having a hand raised, this child would provide the correct response easily.  But they do not have the courage to do it on their own.  This child prefers to be out of the spotlight.  This child is often a great resource in the classroom for a teacher but goes untapped because they hide.  When teachers begin to understand this matrix they often begin to tap into these children and develop them as a constructive force in the classroom.  This is a child who can go completely unnoticed for the entire day in school.

A Passive/Destructive child who wants Attention will quietly not comply with everything the teacher asks of the class.  While teaching, this child is playing quietly with pencils or little items in his desk.  He is often inattentive and disconnected from the flow of events in the classroom (not because he is unable to learn).  This child wants the attention of being disconnected but hates to draw obvious attention to himself for doing the wrong thing.  So this child plays out the need for attention by quietly going about his own agenda in school, disregarding the agenda the teacher is laying out.  The theme of this child's form of misbehavior is to "withhold" what you want by forgetting or not doing.  Often this child's misbehavior is missed by a busy, distracted teacher because the Active/Destructive Attention getter is grabbing all of the oxygen in the room.  A sharp eyed teacher will see this child quietly not complying, but it takes practice to recognize it early and help the child out of it.  These children hide under the radar of the classroom.

Keep your eye out for attention seeking children in the classroom and know that all attention seeking misbehavior is not the same.  Use this matrix to help you understand what is happening in a more refined and specific way, so you are then positioned to respond to the misbehavior is a more refined and specific way!

The next blog will deal with Power and Control misbehavior applied to his matrix.

Remember...
Self disciplined children come from being in relationship with self-disciplined adults.

Lou