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When a child is acting out his or her misbehavior patterns, recognizing the 4 Goals of Misbehavior can really help you to deal with the behavior in a more effective way. It helps to understand the 4 goals because it helps you to de-personalize the misbehavior as being a personal affront to YOU. The child would play out this misbehavior with anyone, you just happen to be there!
The next step in understanding Goals of Misbehavior involves the Personality Matrix.
The Personality Matrix divides behavior into 4 categories using two axis.
The second item examined is the Power driven Goal of Misbehavior and how it fits into this personality matrix.
Constructive Behavior | Destructive Behavior |
| |
| |
| | Active
| |
____________________________________________________________
| |
| | Passive
| |
| |
| |
_____________________________________________________________
Constructive behavior is what we like in the classroom and at home. It is the behavior that complies with proper boundaries and respects other people, follows expectations and cooperates socially.
Destructive behavior is what we dislike. It is behavior that does not comply with proper boundaries, does not respect other people, does not follow expectations and fails to cooperate socially.
It can be annoying, because it is constantly pulling your attention way from what you want to do to what the child is wanting you to do.
Active on this matrix means that a child has a bold personality disposition. They have courage to act out their behavior. Active is neither constructive or destructive. It is simply courageous. This child's behavior tends to be "in your face" because they have so much courage.
Passive on this matrix means that a child has less courage and is more hidden in his or her personality disposition. The behaviors acted out by this child are quieter and less "in your face" often employing
"withholding" and quiet refusal.
An Active/Constructive child who wants Power (the second Goal of Misbehavior) will do all of things we typically associate with a leader. In school, this child wants to be in charge of things and lead others, he or she wants to be the assistant teacher, wants to be the line leader, likes being in charge of small groups, etc. This child has lots of courage and actively demonstrates their constructive behaviors. Teachers love having these child in class. They are often a support for the teacher. When kids are misbehaving this child often implores them to get quiet and behave on behalf of the teacher! Schools need to find ways to help these children channel their desires for power in constructive ways through school council, athletics, music and arts programs, anything that puts children in charge in a good way. When teachers understand this matrix, they share power with children in the classroom to develop constructive leadership. Developing constructive leadership in the classroom is a very important job for a teacher who is skillfully managing the class to become increasingly cooperative.
An Active/Destructive child who wants Power will do all of things we typically associate with a defiant child. In school, this child will openly and directly defy the teacher and persons of authority, they persist in breaking the rules, will often say "NO" to a teacher or parent to their face - they will do anything to resist being told what to do by someone in authority. Remember, this child has a lot of courage and therefore will be openly defiant and rude in a way that is bold and brazen. Teachers often feel that their authority is being openly challenged and threatened by this child (because it is!). Teachers feel stuck with this child in the classroom because they feel like each incident is a test case of either fighting back with the child or giving in to him or her to avoid a fight. Dealing with this child in the classroom is exhausting!
A Passive/Constructive child who wants Power quietly desires to be in control and in charge in a good way but lacks the courage to demonstrate it or ask for an appropriate position of power. This child is a resource in the classroom that is very often untapped because the child stays hidden. If the teacher knew how to recognize that this child is hiding his or her strength and knew how to encourage him or her to be in a position of power, the child would enjoy it and run with it. However, this child will not ask for it or bring attention to himself to get it. This is clearly a case where if this child's leadership is to come forward it will take an astute teacher or adult to recognize it and foster leadership in this child, despite the child's lack of courage to show it. When teachers begin to understand this matrix they often begin to tap into these children and develop them as an increasingly noticeable constructive force in the classroom. This child's leadership ability can easily go completely unnoticed in the classroom.
A Passive/Destructive child who wants Power will quietly not comply with nearly everything the teacher asks of him. However, his child lacks courage, so he or she will play out defiance by withholding what you want. Instead of saying 'NO" to your face, this child will not speak back to you but will simply do what he wants to do ignoring you and defying you QUIETLY. This child does not do their work or forgets things needed to do their work, avoids work by distracting himself from it, finds other things to do rather than the assigned work, walks around the room quietly and unnoticed. Teachers often miss seeing this child's avoidance and defiance because they are so good at being passive until you got to check on work completed and find little or nothing getting done! When confronted with getting to work, this child will sit quietly, listen to what you have to say, but still won't do what you want. It can be very frustrating teaching this child because your best efforts produce little change and you seem unable to penetrate the wall of silence and defiance the child has built around himself. Withholding is a powerful tactic and this child uses it skillfully! This child causes a teacher to feel a different form of frustration than you would feel with an openly defiant child who tells you "NO" to your face. This child is telling you "no" without saying a word - simply by the fact that they refuse to act and refuse to fight with you. These are very powerful children.
Keep your eye out for power driven children in the classroom and know that all power and control driven misbehavior is not the same. Use this matrix to help you understand what is happening in a more refined and specific way, so you are then positioned to respond to the misbehavior is a more refined and specific way!
The next blog will deal with Revenge misbehavior applied to his matrix.
Remember...
Self disciplined children come from being in relationship with self-disciplined adults.
Lou
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Goals of Misbehavior, Part 2 - Attention Getting
If you enjoy this blog please subscribe and receive each new blog to your email account automatically! Also, please network this site and share it with other parents and teachers!
When a child is acting out his or her misbehavior patterns, recognizing the 4 Goals of Misbehavior can really help you to deal with the behavior in a more effective way. It helps to understand the 4 goals because it helps you to de-personalize the misbehavior as being a personal affront to YOU. The child would play out this misbehavior with anyone, you just happen to be there!
The next step in understanding Goals of Misbehavior involves the Personality Matrix.
The Personality Matrix divides behavior into 4 categories using two axis.
Constructive Behavior | Destructive Behavior |
| |
| |
| | Active
| |
____________________________________________________________
| |
| | Passive
| |
| |
| |
_____________________________________________________________
This matrix helps us to observe and recognize various types of behavior and understand it for what it is. Many teachers and parents are trying to respond to behaviors they do not understand and it makes it very difficult to do. Misbehavior is not random and a blur, it is specific and targeted.
Constructive behavior is what we like in the classroom and at home. It is the behavior that complies with proper boundaries and respects other people, follows expectations and cooperates socially.
Destructive behavior is what we dislike. It is behavior that does not comply with proper boundaries, does not respect other people, does not follow expectations and fails to cooperate socially.
It can be annoying, because it is constantly pulling your attention way from what you want to do to what the child is wanting you to do.
Active on this matrix means that a child has a bold personality disposition. They have courage to act out their behavior. Active is neither constructive or destructive. It is simply courageous. This child's behavior tends to be "in your face" because they have so much courage.
Passive on this matrix means that a child has less courage and is more hidden in his or her personality disposition. The behaviors acted out by this child are quieter and less "in your face" often employing
"withholding" and quiet refusal.
Remember, there are four basic misbehaviors in this system: Attention, Power, Revenge, Assumed Disability. Each of these 4 misbehavior types fit into this matrix.
This blog will deal with the first one - Attention. We begin to put this matrix together by examining each category in the matrix applying it to and focusing on attention-getting behaviors by a child.
An Active/Constructive child who wants Attention (the first Goal of Misbehavior) will do all of things we typically associate with a "good" child. In school, this child raises his hand to speak, waits his turn, does his work when assigned, volunteering to answer questions, etc. This child actively demonstrates their constructive behaviors. Teachers love having these child in class. They are often helpers for the teacher.
An Active/Destructive child who wants Attention will do all of things we typically associate with an annoying child. In school, this child calls out to be noticed, has trouble waiting a turn and forces himself into being recognized among the other kids in class, may not do work on time or when asked,
will often make noises, bang things, get up and walk around at inappropriate times - anything to turn the head of an adult so they get your attention, like a flashing billboard in the classroom. Teachers are often annoyed after a point with these children because they often are not stopped by correction - they need the attention so badly, they will risk a teacher reprimand(s) to get it.
A Passive/Constructive child who wants Attention will quietly comply with everything the teacher asks of him. However, this child rarely or never raises a hand to give an answer - they lack the courage to do so. They know the answer. If a teacher called on them despite not having a hand raised, this child would provide the correct response easily. But they do not have the courage to do it on their own. This child prefers to be out of the spotlight. This child is often a great resource in the classroom for a teacher but goes untapped because they hide. When teachers begin to understand this matrix they often begin to tap into these children and develop them as a constructive force in the classroom. This is a child who can go completely unnoticed for the entire day in school.
A Passive/Destructive child who wants Attention will quietly not comply with everything the teacher asks of the class. While teaching, this child is playing quietly with pencils or little items in his desk. He is often inattentive and disconnected from the flow of events in the classroom (not because he is unable to learn). This child wants the attention of being disconnected but hates to draw obvious attention to himself for doing the wrong thing. So this child plays out the need for attention by quietly going about his own agenda in school, disregarding the agenda the teacher is laying out. The theme of this child's form of misbehavior is to "withhold" what you want by forgetting or not doing. Often this child's misbehavior is missed by a busy, distracted teacher because the Active/Destructive Attention getter is grabbing all of the oxygen in the room. A sharp eyed teacher will see this child quietly not complying, but it takes practice to recognize it early and help the child out of it. These children hide under the radar of the classroom.
Keep your eye out for attention seeking children in the classroom and know that all attention seeking misbehavior is not the same. Use this matrix to help you understand what is happening in a more refined and specific way, so you are then positioned to respond to the misbehavior is a more refined and specific way!
The next blog will deal with Power and Control misbehavior applied to his matrix.
Remember...
Self disciplined children come from being in relationship with self-disciplined adults.
Lou
When a child is acting out his or her misbehavior patterns, recognizing the 4 Goals of Misbehavior can really help you to deal with the behavior in a more effective way. It helps to understand the 4 goals because it helps you to de-personalize the misbehavior as being a personal affront to YOU. The child would play out this misbehavior with anyone, you just happen to be there!
The next step in understanding Goals of Misbehavior involves the Personality Matrix.
The Personality Matrix divides behavior into 4 categories using two axis.
Constructive Behavior | Destructive Behavior |
| |
| |
| | Active
| |
____________________________________________________________
| |
| | Passive
| |
| |
| |
_____________________________________________________________
This matrix helps us to observe and recognize various types of behavior and understand it for what it is. Many teachers and parents are trying to respond to behaviors they do not understand and it makes it very difficult to do. Misbehavior is not random and a blur, it is specific and targeted.
Constructive behavior is what we like in the classroom and at home. It is the behavior that complies with proper boundaries and respects other people, follows expectations and cooperates socially.
Destructive behavior is what we dislike. It is behavior that does not comply with proper boundaries, does not respect other people, does not follow expectations and fails to cooperate socially.
It can be annoying, because it is constantly pulling your attention way from what you want to do to what the child is wanting you to do.
Active on this matrix means that a child has a bold personality disposition. They have courage to act out their behavior. Active is neither constructive or destructive. It is simply courageous. This child's behavior tends to be "in your face" because they have so much courage.
Passive on this matrix means that a child has less courage and is more hidden in his or her personality disposition. The behaviors acted out by this child are quieter and less "in your face" often employing
"withholding" and quiet refusal.
Remember, there are four basic misbehaviors in this system: Attention, Power, Revenge, Assumed Disability. Each of these 4 misbehavior types fit into this matrix.
This blog will deal with the first one - Attention. We begin to put this matrix together by examining each category in the matrix applying it to and focusing on attention-getting behaviors by a child.
An Active/Constructive child who wants Attention (the first Goal of Misbehavior) will do all of things we typically associate with a "good" child. In school, this child raises his hand to speak, waits his turn, does his work when assigned, volunteering to answer questions, etc. This child actively demonstrates their constructive behaviors. Teachers love having these child in class. They are often helpers for the teacher.
An Active/Destructive child who wants Attention will do all of things we typically associate with an annoying child. In school, this child calls out to be noticed, has trouble waiting a turn and forces himself into being recognized among the other kids in class, may not do work on time or when asked,
will often make noises, bang things, get up and walk around at inappropriate times - anything to turn the head of an adult so they get your attention, like a flashing billboard in the classroom. Teachers are often annoyed after a point with these children because they often are not stopped by correction - they need the attention so badly, they will risk a teacher reprimand(s) to get it.
A Passive/Constructive child who wants Attention will quietly comply with everything the teacher asks of him. However, this child rarely or never raises a hand to give an answer - they lack the courage to do so. They know the answer. If a teacher called on them despite not having a hand raised, this child would provide the correct response easily. But they do not have the courage to do it on their own. This child prefers to be out of the spotlight. This child is often a great resource in the classroom for a teacher but goes untapped because they hide. When teachers begin to understand this matrix they often begin to tap into these children and develop them as a constructive force in the classroom. This is a child who can go completely unnoticed for the entire day in school.
A Passive/Destructive child who wants Attention will quietly not comply with everything the teacher asks of the class. While teaching, this child is playing quietly with pencils or little items in his desk. He is often inattentive and disconnected from the flow of events in the classroom (not because he is unable to learn). This child wants the attention of being disconnected but hates to draw obvious attention to himself for doing the wrong thing. So this child plays out the need for attention by quietly going about his own agenda in school, disregarding the agenda the teacher is laying out. The theme of this child's form of misbehavior is to "withhold" what you want by forgetting or not doing. Often this child's misbehavior is missed by a busy, distracted teacher because the Active/Destructive Attention getter is grabbing all of the oxygen in the room. A sharp eyed teacher will see this child quietly not complying, but it takes practice to recognize it early and help the child out of it. These children hide under the radar of the classroom.
Keep your eye out for attention seeking children in the classroom and know that all attention seeking misbehavior is not the same. Use this matrix to help you understand what is happening in a more refined and specific way, so you are then positioned to respond to the misbehavior is a more refined and specific way!
The next blog will deal with Power and Control misbehavior applied to his matrix.
Remember...
Self disciplined children come from being in relationship with self-disciplined adults.
Lou
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